Note To Potential Thieves…

True story: Yesterday afternoon, I left work around five-thirty p.m., went to my mom’s, picked up the kids, and drove home. Hubby was still at work. I walked up our back steps, and was alarmed to find the screen door unlocked, and the back door wide open.

Our town has had numerous daytime break-ins recently. One last week even involved a television-show-style foot chase of multiple perpetrators by a squadron of law enforcement personnel. Our police department posted an exciting play-by-play description of the whole thing on their Facebook page, ending with:

“In time, we were able to apprehend all 4 suspects. They were all arrested and charged with multiple offenses.”

Even though those guys were caught, I was anxious, thinking: Did someone kick the door in and rob us?

The kids were running around in the backyard, so let them stay outside, and I tentatively pulled the screen door open to peek in.

The first thing I saw was our kitchen “everything” drawer pulled open and things like pens, flashlights, gift cards, paperclips, and coupons strewn all over the counter and floor, along with the kids’ artwork, markers and crayons, various mismatched shoes, and reusable grocery bags. You could barely see the hardwood, there was so much junk on the ground.

I gasped. “Oh my god, someone’s broken in and rummaged through everything looking for valuables!” was my immediate reaction.

Heart pounding, I turned back to check on the kids and wondered what to do first. Call the police? Walk through and see what may have been taken? Call the neighbors?

Then, I remembered.

Hubby had had to take both kids to an early-morning doctor’s appointment downtown. He had texted and called me in a panic, because he’d got a late start and was stuck in traffic, and then only got to the specialist’s an hour after the scheduled time.

It dawned on me: This was not the work of burglars. This was the work of two small groggy children and their frazzled dad trying to get out of the house on time for that appointment.

Confident now, I strode through the house, investigating, looking for anything missing, just in case I was wrong.

Then, I remembered.

We don’t really have anything for a run-in-and-get-out thief to steal. The kids’ iPad was with them, our phones and laptops were with us. My only good jewelry is on my hand, and everything else is in a safety deposit box at the bank (Superbowl ring too, FYI). The flat screen T.V. is the only thing on the first floor that’s worth something, and it’s probably outdated and outmoded by now, plus it’s way too big to escape with, unless they had two guys and a pickup truck handy.

Note to potential thieves: Unless you’re REALLY into Legos, quality used cookware, and sports nonfiction, don’t bother with our place. You would also have to contend with our mean cat. It’s not worth your time. 

When Hubby got home, he was very sheepish about leaving the house like that.

Note to potential thieves: We won’t be leaving the door open again anytime soon.